You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
