My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
