No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
