exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
