I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
