yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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