so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize