The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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