i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Less talking, more tequila
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
