Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
