I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
