You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
