He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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