Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
