he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
