Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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