Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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