Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize