he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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