Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
