it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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