Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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