from now on my penis is your penis
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
