NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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