this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
