How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
