I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
