Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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