You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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