When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
