My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
