why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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