see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
