I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
