i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
