Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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