Who did Billy Mays play for?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize