My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
