Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
