yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
