hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Green mimosas i think yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
