thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
