I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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