that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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