I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
