i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
