I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
