I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize