The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
