you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
