Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
