My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
