Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
