We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize