He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
