it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He felt like a one man threesome
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
