i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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