I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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