Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
