the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
