I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
