trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
