Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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