im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
