I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Found your dick twin last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
