if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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