don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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