I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize